We are so excited to introduce Sara from A Plethora of Pondering's. Her writing is incredible and we encourage you to check her out elsewhere.
I never thought of myself as a pretty girl.
Or any of those adjectives that are used to describe someone’s physical appearance.
I was just…me.
I showered every day, I wore clean clothes, I wore perfume, and a little make-up. I fixed my hair to the best of my ability and that was that.
It was enough for me.
I didn’t want to stand out. Previous experiences in my life had seemed to brainwash me into thinking that if I just did the minimal, no one would notice me, and that was a good thing; specifically men. I was always noticed by the wrong men. They would suck me in, manipulate me, and then leave me when they were done with me.
I spent my teens and early twenties believing I was trash because I allowed people to treat me that way. My self-esteem stunk. I did what I had to do to maintain a normal façade to the outside world, but at night, when I was alone and in my bed, it was hell.
I hated myself. I picked myself a part. I put the blame on myself solely.
I was a wreck.
And, in that wrecked state, I managed to meet my husband.
It took us seven years to get married.
It took me six of those seven years to believe my husband when he told me I was beautiful. Even when I was pregnant with our daughter, swollen to the hilt, peeing every five minutes: I was still beautiful. I was beautiful without make-up or my hair fixed. I was beautiful after the birth of our daughter. I was beautiful when I was happy. I was beautiful when I was sad.
No one had ever even tried to help me with my self-esteem before. My husband never even suggested it, but he knew. He knew without even having to ask. He, in his own way, fixed a very broken part of me and for that I will be forever grateful.
He somehow untangled years of self-hate by just letting me be myself. When we are able to be ourselves, we can begin to heal from all of the things that keep us down.
The best thing I ever did was surround myself with people who supported me. I got rid of all the negativity in my life and maintained a generally positive attitude about life. I began to feel the change inside of me and I began to see myself differently in the mirror. I began to have confidence, an actual opinion, and I was fearless.
The day of my wedding I felt unstoppable.
I looked in the mirror and I knew what my husband had been saying all along was true: